Freckles and Misery

Moments in which I have felt embarrassed today (in chronological order)
On waking, thinking of things said/done the previous night while tipsy .
Seconds later, when the embarrassment reminded me of much more shameful moments from the night before that.
Whistling tunelessly in the bathroom and realising that someone was in next door's garden and would be able to hear through the open window.
On seeing Julian Opie on television, being surprised, and realising that I had (for no reason I can fathom) thought that he was black.
On walking to the metro, passing three intriguing folded pieces of paper, but not wanting to look like a person who picks up rubbish in the street.
On walking past a stationary line of traffic and feeling in the spotlight.
On sitting down on the metro when the seat made quite a loud noise, even though I had lowered myself gently - embarrassment exacerbated here by the woman opposite refusing to look at me and exchange a 'hah! broken seat!' facial expression.
On asking for a bottle of Asahi - no matter that I pronounce it correctly, the bar staff always say 'pardon?' making me fear a foreign lager faux pas.
On telling a not particularly interesting anecdote and it being interrupted several times, making the punchline extraordinarily anti-climactic.
On replying 'no' to the question: 'would you like to see the à la carte menu?'and feeling poor.
On choosing, as starter, a salad involving black-pudding - dried blood products seeming an un-feminine choice.
On being asked whether I would like black pepper for the second time and declining again.
On asking an acquaintance for free tickets at the cinema.
On hearing a ripping of underwear in the first sex scene of the film and waiting for the correct moment for myself and my companion to diffuse our discomfort by making a silly face at each other.
On mis-judging that and looking at my friend during a sex scene.
On stopping to chat to someone whilst walking through electric doors and squealing as they closed on me.