Since I am unable to keep any of my business to myself, there are few people of my acquaintance who do not know that I have this blog. One person who doesn't, though, is my flat-mate Sarah.
I was thinking about Sarah when I came in from work. Specifically I was wondering if she engages, or is planning to engage, in sexual congress with the man who just dribbled wee on our toilet seat and bathroom floor. While I was approaching the house I heard him say 'I think I'm at the right place' into his phone while standing on the doorstep. So, he weed on the floor on his very first visit? Ever? That doesn't seem a very good sign. Maybe I should tell her, I thought.
While musing on this I went to get something out of the fridge and noticed that where they were previously four chocolate mousse things there were now only two. Does this happen now? Inter-flat-mate food stealing? How terribly 1997. I was so disbelieving that such an act had taken place that I looked around everywhere for the others and wondered if they had in fact come in a smaller pack than I imagined. But no, I'm not wrong. How dare she? I don't mean that I am outraged, I'm just curious. I simply wonder how she dare steal something in discrete quantities. Filch a bit of cheese from a block, certainly you might get away with that. Take a glass of orange juice from a carton - it might be obvious but who could prove it? But two chocolate mousse things are indisputably two less chocolate mousse things than four chocolate mousse things were. How could she think she'd get away with it? She'd never get away with it. Still full of righteous fury, I encountered her on the stairs. 'Hi Sarah', 'Hi Helen'.
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5 comments:
Don't get me started on housemate pilfering. I once (3 years ago(ish)if you really want to know)) went to the fridge to get one of my ice cold cans of stella from a pack of four. To my astonishment I discover 1 full sealed can of stella and 3 empty cans re-secured to the plastic can holders (I know they are not called plastic can holders but their name escapes me, I do know to cut them with scissors other wise cows at the dump fall over or something)
Did my housemate really think I wouldn't notice? I was them more worried by the behaviour than the theft.
People are an odd lot.
There are now eight chocolate mousse things in the fridge. Stealing was terribly 1997. Apparently 2005 is all about borrowing and replacing with interest. So I look like a bit of a meanie now, don't I?
That constantly happened with my cartons of Houmous when I lived Bayswater Rd in Jesmond. CONSTANTLY. 'Get your own fucking houmous!' I would yell to them. in my head.
Conversely, when I lived with an ex bass player (nothing sexual, completely platonic), he would actually cower at my marvellous fresh food selection, since he was mostly used to eating beans, toast and trifle. In that order. He'd occasionally throw caution to the wind and have a KFC. The crazy fool.
Perhaps she read your blog and was shamed into replenishing your mousse mountain. Here's a thought...wait until she is asleep then stab her in the eye with a rusty screwdriver. I will guarantee that she will not pilfer your perishables again.
Ha ha...
Hi Sarah.
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