I need some space

Perhaps I'm being a little too anal (that is an official and acceptable shortening of 'anally retentive' now, isn't it?) but can everyone stop standing so horribly close to me? I seem to be spending increasing amounts of time wondering if it would be really impolite (or, indeed, a little bit Falling Down style mental) of me to turn around to people behind me in supermarket queues and ask them to take a step back. People with baskets are brushing my bum with their wires! Firstly: ouch! And, secondly: for the love of the children, WHY, GOD, WHY? What possible benefit can come from shoving wire baskets into Helen Parker's bum?

Speaking of anal, when I celebrated my twenty-ninth birthday I had a minor 'Cripes! What about all the things I haven't done that I should have done by the time I'm thirty?' crisis. So I made a list. Most of it came down to physically discomforting activities - walking up big mountains or running or daft stuff like that. And the odd bit of thing that seemed sort of rock n roll. Anyway, the great thing about turning thirty, I realised, is that I can leave it all behind and forge ahead into a new era where I don't need to be rock n roll. I think the thirties might be my kind of decade. Things that I think a person should do in their thirties are things I would like to do anyway. So much so that I don't need to write a list. But, were I to write a list, it would include such points as: being able to cook mussels in my own home (without worrying that I will poison myself), getting a dog, um, sitting about a lot.

Another great thing about crossing the line is that, were I to perform some act of physical prowess - become a world -class snowboarder say - I would not just be a world-class snowboarder, I would be a world-class snowboarder in her thirties, what an achievement.

In fact, the older you get, the easier it is to be impressive. I can't wait to be so old that people are impressed that I can walk along the street. I think I might be quite good at being old.